Band 7 - Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. - Solved
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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many argue that extended time behind bars is a better way to reduce criminal activities, while others believe in applying alternative procedures to prevent it. This essay will discuss both aspects before presenting my own opinion on finding suitable ways for reducing crime.
Proponents of longer imprisonment believe that unnatural crimes such as murder, rape and kidnapping should not be compromised in any manner. It is ideal to punish the guilty severely to have a peaceful nation. Moreover, if these individuals are shown some mortality, they will get the courage to perform bigger crimes with more impact. There are many examples where kidnappers turned into murderers once released from jail. Additionally, even for petty crimes, decent but extended prison time should be served. Also, they should be subjected to work in jail and perform daily duties to bring discipline. Furthermore, big criminals have a network of members and serving a long time in prison makes their connections lose which in result distorts it. Also, multiple trails help gather witnesses which are generally the members of the network. As a result, a large set of gangsters is tackled and arrested.
Those in favour of approaching other possibilities argue that imprisonment can make a person more cruel and stone-hearted. Ganging up with other prisoners over time increases their rage and hatred for society. It is better to engage them in other activities such as social welfare or old age home services, so that they can understand the importance of life and kindness towards people. Another measure is to organize classroom teaching session or craft activities to divert them from criminal mindset to a creative mindset. There are many cases where crimes are performed under unintentionally or by mistake and it is unjust not to provide them a second chance.
In conclusion, I strongly believe imposing alternative methods to reduce crime is more beneficial than longer jail time. However, prisoners with serious crimes should be excluded from this because they deserve to be taught a lesson about humanity.
6 errors detected: 2 spelling, 3 grammar, 1 hyphenation.
In-depth Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the question by discussing both views on reducing crime through longer prison sentences and alternative methods, and presents a clear personal opinion. The arguments are well-developed with relevant examples, though some points could be more nuanced. The essay meets the word count requirement and maintains relevance throughout. The stance is balanced but leans towards supporting alternative methods, with a clear exclusion for serious crimes.
Detailed Recommendations
The essay fully addresses the question by discussing both views and presenting a personal opinion. The ideas are clear and relevant, with examples supporting each viewpoint. However, some arguments could be more detailed to enhance development. The word count is met, ensuring a complete response.
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Linking words are used accurately, though more variety could improve cohesion. The progression of ideas is generally clear, with minor lapses in transitions.
The vocabulary is varied and mostly precise, with some effective collocations. There are minor spelling errors and occasional repetition, but overall, the lexical resource supports clear communication.
The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. There are minor grammatical errors, but they do not impede understanding. Accuracy is generally maintained throughout.
Grammatical Errors
Error: "shown some mortality"
Explanation: Incorrect word choice; 'mortality' should be 'leniency'.
Correction: "shown some leniency"
Error: "multiple trails help gather witnesses"
Explanation: Incorrect word; 'trails' should be 'trials'.
Correction: "multiple trials help gather witnesses"
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Task Achievement:
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Coherence & Cohesion:
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Lexical Resource:
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Grammatical Range:
Task Achievement
Addresses The Task Fully: 8
Offers Clear, Developed Ideas: 7
Provides Relevant, Specific Support: 7
Fits Appropriate Length: 8
Coherence & Cohesion
Progresses Ideas Logically: 7
Clear Intro & Conclusion: 8
Uses Cohesive Devices Well: 7
Varies Cohesive Devices: 6
Lexical Resource
Varied Vocabulary: 7
Accurate Spelling & Formation: 7
Collocations: 7
Grammatical Range
Mixes Simple & Complex Forms: 7
Accurate Grammar: 7