Band 7 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Solved
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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sugar’s everywhere lurking in your morning cereal, that fizzy drink, even your “healthy” granola bar. With health issues like diabetes soaring, some reckon jacking up prices on sugary products could nudge people to cut back. I agree, cos it’s a practical way to tackle the problem head-on.
Price hikes change behaviour fast. When smokes got pricier in my country, my uncle ditched his pack-a-day habit cost hit him harder than any advert. Same logic applies here. If a sugary latte costs an arm and a leg, folks might grab a black coffee instead. It’s not about banning sugar; it’s about making the choice sting a bit, steering us to healthier habits.
That said, the health payoff could be huge. Sugar’s linked to obesity, rotten teeth, even heart trouble stuff that clogs up hospitals. Picture a mum skipping overpriced cola for her kids and picking juice instead. Some might say it’s harsh on tight budgets, which is fair, but cheaper alternatives like water exist. Firms might even roll out low-sugar options to keep sales up win-win.
Mind you, it’s not flawless. Diehard sugar fans won’t care, and education’s still key. I’ve seen mates guzzle energy drinks despite knowing the risks price alone won’t fix that. Still, it’s a strong start.
In short, pricier sugary goods could curb intake and ease health woes. It’s a bit grim how much we scoff without thinking. A cost bump might just wake us up to what we’re really swallowing.
17 errors detected: 1 spelling, 6 punctuation, 8 informality, 1 hyphenation, 1 grammar.
In-depth Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the question's focus by discussing the potential benefits of increasing the price of sugary products to reduce consumption and improve public health. The writer presents a clear opinion, supports it with relevant examples, and considers counterarguments, making the response well-rounded and coherent. The essay meets the word count requirement and maintains relevance throughout, though some vocabulary and grammatical improvements could enhance clarity and sophistication.
Detailed Recommendations
The essay fully addresses the question by agreeing with the statement and providing relevant arguments and examples. The ideas are clear and developed, though some points could be further elaborated for higher scores. The word count is sufficient, and the response remains focused on the topic.
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Linking words are used appropriately, though a greater variety could enhance cohesion. The progression of ideas is clear, but some transitions could be smoother.
The vocabulary is functional but somewhat repetitive, with limited use of sophisticated or precise terms. Spelling is accurate, and collocations are generally natural, though more varied vocabulary would elevate the essay.
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are occasional grammatical errors that affect clarity. Accuracy is generally good, but some sentences could be refined for better precision.
Grammatical Errors
Error: "cos itu2019s a practical way"
Explanation: Informal contraction 'cos' is inappropriate in academic writing.
Correction: "because it is a practical way"
Error: "stuff that clogs up hospitals"
Explanation: Colloquial term 'stuff' is too informal.
Correction: "issues that overwhelm hospitals"
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Task Achievement:
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Coherence & Cohesion:
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Lexical Resource:
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Grammatical Range:
Task Achievement
Addresses The Task Fully: 8
Offers Clear, Developed Ideas: 7
Provides Relevant, Specific Support: 7
Fits Appropriate Length: 8
Coherence & Cohesion
Progresses Ideas Logically: 7
Clear Intro & Conclusion: 8
Uses Cohesive Devices Well: 6
Varies Cohesive Devices: 7
Lexical Resource
Varied Vocabulary: 6
Accurate Spelling & Formation: 8
Collocations: 7
Grammatical Range
Mixes Simple & Complex Forms: 6
Accurate Grammar: 6