Band 6 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Solved

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Sugar’s in loads of food and drinks like sweets, cola, even sauces and it’s bad for health. Some think making sugary stuff cost more will stop people eating so much. I agree a bit, cos it might help, but there’s problems too.

First, expensive things make you think twice. If chocolate bar costs more, maybe I don’t buy it. In my country, my sister stopped getting fizzy drinks when price went up last year. She drinks water now. It’s good cos sugar makes you fat and sick, so this links to less health trouble.

On top of that, it could help kids. Parents won’t buy sugary snacks if they’re pricey. Like, my cousin’s mum she picks fruit now cos sweets cost too much. Some might argue rich people don’t care about price, which is true, but most folk feel the pinch. I reckon shops would sell less sugar stuff then maybe even make healthier food.

But, there’s downside. People like sugar too much. My mate still buys cola even it’s expensive—he says he needs it for energy. Also, poor people might struggle if everything costs more. It’s a bit unfair sometimes.

So, making sugary products pricier could cut down sugar a bit and help health. It’s worrying how much sweet stuff we eat every day. Price might not fix it all, but it’s worth a try.

15 errors detected: 10 informality, 3 grammar, 2 spelling.

In-depth Feedback

The essay addresses the question's focus by discussing the potential effectiveness and drawbacks of increasing the price of sugary products to reduce sugar consumption. The response is relevant and provides personal examples to support the argument. However, the essay lacks depth in analysis and could benefit from more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures. The word count is adequate, but the ideas could be more developed and supported with broader examples or data.

Detailed Recommendations

6

The essay partially addresses the question's focus by agreeing with the idea of increasing prices on sugary products but also acknowledging potential drawbacks. The response is relevant but lacks depth in analysis and broader examples. The word count meets the requirement, but the ideas could be more developed.

Develop your ideas further by providing more detailed analysis and broader examples. For instance, you could include statistics or studies that show the impact of price increases on sugar consumption.
Ensure that your examples are more varied and not solely based on personal anecdotes. Incorporating data or expert opinions would strengthen your argument.
6

The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother, and the use of linking words is somewhat limited. The variety of connectors is adequate but could be improved.

Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between ideas. For example, instead of 'On top of that,' you could use 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally.'
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraph are logically connected. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
5

The vocabulary is functional but somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are occasional spelling errors, and the collocations are mostly natural but could be more varied. The range of vocabulary is limited, which affects the overall quality of the essay.

Expand your vocabulary by using more precise and varied terms. For example, instead of 'bad for health,' you could use 'detrimental to health' or 'harmful.'
Pay attention to spelling and ensure that all words are correctly spelled. For instance, 'cos' should be 'because.'
5

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. The accuracy of grammar is inconsistent, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed.

Work on improving the accuracy of your grammar by reviewing common grammatical rules. For example, ensure subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage.
Practice writing more complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures. For instance, try using relative clauses or conditional sentences.

Grammatical Errors

Error: "cos it might help"

Explanation: Informal language, should use 'because'

Correction: "because it might help"

Error: "my cousinu2019s mum she picks fruit now"

Explanation: Redundant pronoun 'she'

Correction: "my cousinu2019s mum picks fruit now"

Error: "Itu2019s a bit unfair sometimes"

Explanation: Lacks clarity, could be more precise

Correction: "This approach can sometimes be unfair"

Task Type: Opinion
6.0
Overall Band Score
  • Task Achievement:
    6
  • Coherence & Cohesion:
    6
  • Lexical Resource:
    5
  • Grammatical Range:
    5

Task Achievement

Addresses The Task Fully: 6

Offers Clear, Developed Ideas: 6

Provides Relevant, Specific Support: 6

Fits Appropriate Length: 7

Coherence & Cohesion

Progresses Ideas Logically: 6

Clear Intro & Conclusion: 7

Uses Cohesive Devices Well: 5

Varies Cohesive Devices: 6

Lexical Resource

Varied Vocabulary: 5

Accurate Spelling & Formation: 6

Collocations: 5

Grammatical Range

Mixes Simple & Complex Forms: 5

Accurate Grammar: 5

Vocabulary Proficiency

CEFR Level: B2 - Upper-Intermediate
To elevate your vocabulary to a C1 level, focus on incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms. For example, instead of 'bad for health,' use 'detrimental to health.' Additionally, practice using collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing more natural and fluent.

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