[Band 7.5] The percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies | Sample Answer

Difficulty Level: Medium
Participation of men in senior development in three companies - Task 1 Writing online simulator test - IELTS TEST SERVICES - ieltstest.services Sample Answer
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IELTS Writing Task 1: Question

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.
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Sample Answer:

The rendered bar graph demonstrates the differences in men’s participation in senior development between 1980 and 2010 in three different companies.

In an overview, men’s involvement rates increased overall in all three organizations, however the trends were not consistent.

It is evident from the graph that from 1980 to 1990, Apple had the greatest percentage of males working in senior development roles, accounted to be 15%. Interestingly, IBM had the lowest participation rate noted to be 2–3% in the first five years, however it upsurged rapidly, growing by over 10% every five years from 1985 to 1995. After that, the rate increased by another 30% during the following ten years, peaking at almost 63% in 2010.

Up until 2000, the Microsoft participation percentage increased consistently, from about 8% to 15%. The next decade witnessed a considerable increase, with the percentage rising to 45%. Men’s employment in senior development at Apple escalated from approximately 13% in 1990 to 25% by 2010, despite a minor decline in 2000 to just under 20% of the workforce.

IELTS Writing Test Library

Vocabulary Used & Why?

  • Participation rate

    A precise term to describe the percentage of male employees involved in senior development roles, adding clarity to the analysis.

  • Senior development roles

    A specific phrase that highlights the leadership positions being analyzed, making the data interpretation clearer.

  • Upsurged

    A dynamic verb to describe a sharp increase in IBM’s participation, adding impact to the description of trends.

  • Peaking

    A useful term to indicate the highest point of participation in 2010, strengthening the discussion of trend changes.

  • Considerable increase

    A formal phrase to emphasize significant growth, making the trend more pronounced.

  • Escalated

    A refined word to describe a steady increase, making the discussion more sophisticated.

  • Minor decline

    A balanced phrase that accurately describes a small drop in participation, improving clarity.

  • Workforce

    A key term to refer to employees collectively, making the description of employment trends more professional.

Band Score Analysis

7.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity

B2 – Upper Intermediate

Good range of vocabulary, but some repetition in phrasing.

Grammar Mistakes

3

Some issues with phrasing and article usage.

Vocabulary Repetition

  • Percentage: 5
  • Increase: 4
  • Senior development: 3
Consider using synonyms to enhance lexical variety.

Task Response

8.0

Effectively addresses the task with well-supported trends and comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

8.5

Logical structure with effective use of linking phrases.

Lexical Resource

7.5

Good vocabulary range, though some repetition is noted.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

7.5

Variety in sentence structures with minor grammatical lapses.

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